milflwyddol_anfodlonrwydd: (Default)

this post will contain something i've never used before: pictures.
hold onto your knickers, everyone.

 

today, my trigger of choice would have to be this:

that's right, the new pride flag in philidelphia. yes, the oh so now inclusive pride flag that now introduces the colours black and brown to recognize lgbtq people of colour. you know, because the original flag wasn't inclusive for people of colour. it was only for white people and their damn, dirty, non inclusive lgbtq group.

it's not like the original rainbow flag was about unity or anything, oh no. it's not like each colour has their own meaning, such as:

red: life
orange: healing
yellow: sunlight
green: nature
blue: serenity
violet: spirit

no. those colours all mean white power, obviously.

the thing that bugs me is... why? why do you need to shove the fact that there are people of colour in your movement? why are people so concerned with being "represented" in a movement that already represents EVERYONE in the lgbtq spectrum?

just get the fuck over yourself.

milflwyddol_anfodlonrwydd: (Default)

"omg lol i'm SUCH an insomniac bc i couldn't sleep until two, haha."

"insomnia isn't so bad if you have an amazing partner to look at until you fall asleep :)"

"i can't sleep, i must have insomnia, lol."

 

no, no, and no. stop it, you stupid child. you do not have insomnia because you can't sleep until two just because you were on your phone, you do not have insomnia just because you lost track of time while dicking around on the internet. insomnia is when you can't sleep even without the distraction of your phone or tablet, when you can't find a comfortable position to go to sleep, when you're lucky to get at least five hours of sleep a night, when you're even luckier to manage to get rest from that small amount.

now, i've only been tentatively diagnosed with parasomnia, a sleep disorder dealing with sleep talking/walking and nightmares/terrors. insomnia is merely an unwelcome side effect as my nightmares are so graphic and disgusting that i am terrified to go to sleep at night. i wake up during the night scared, the feeling that someone or something is in my room, waiting for me to open my eyes and view the monstrosity that it is. when i sleep in a place that is somewhere other than my room i can't sleep because i'm in unfamiliar territory and can't trust it or myself enough to go to sleep.

acting out my dreams is also something i'm plagued by. when my mum and i used to share a bed in my nana's condo, i woke up to find out that i punched her in the face because i dreamed about a sound that annoyed me. that when my nana and i shared a bed because i was scared to sleep, i kicked her multiple times because i was running away from something in a nightmare. 

when we visited my nana, i couldn't comfortably sleep in the living room by myself when i got older because i was terrified that there was something in the dark, lurking and waiting for me to sleep.

to put it simply: i can not sleep until i'm physically exhausted and can't stay awake any longer, and even then the nightmares seem to get worse, restarting the cycle.

i was addicted to caffeine until just recently, consuming around 200mg a day just to stay awake and i never questioned why. of course i wondered why when i sleep, i couldn't seem to ever feel rested, yet whenever i brought it up to my doctor, she was adamant that there was nothing wrong. and, of course, like an idiot, i believed her. i just needed more sleep, right?

wrong.

it doesn't matter how many hours i sleep, i never seem to feel rested, my body is perpetually tired, probably due to the effects caffeine still has over my body. it sucks, to put it simply. melatonin, a natural sleep aide, also seems to make the nightmares worse. it's a no win situation.

and so, of course, it's very agitating to see people post about it as if it's a completely normal and fun thing to have when in reality, it's not. it's one of the banes of my existence, i wish i could be rid of it forever. stop romanticizing sleeping disorders unless it's sleep apnea or some shit, because that isn't as serious (well, it is, but it isn't detrimental to the person's sleep.)

milflwyddol_anfodlonrwydd: (Default)

"it doesn't count"

i've heard this time and time again when i mention that my father is british and that, technically, i am mixed. it's the truth, i'm english, welsh, and irish-hungarian-american. if you call any of those groups the same, you'll get your ass kicked. the other ethnic groups in the british isles hate being compared to the english as, spoiler alert, they are not the same. they have different cultures and, once upon a time, different languages. hell, they still do. welsh was a dying language that is now seeing a resurgence and irish gaelic is still used to this day.

i am tired of hearing that i only have one ethnic background because the colour of my skin is pasty white and i speak english for my first language, that my father and mother are white. that is utterly ridiculous as they are completely different in background, my mother being raised in a primarily irish household and my father being born in england and raised in wales, his first language being welsh. he would laugh if you called him irish-hungarian.

it would be like comparing kenyans to south africans, or the japanese and koreans, calling them all the same.

just because the colour of my skin may be white, my background is mixed.

it's the same when i point out that i do have my own culture, being raised in an anglo-irish household my entire life, and then hearing "it doesn't count" because i "don't have the accent."

okay? you don't have a japanese first or last name and you can't speak a single word of japanese, so i guess you're just american :^) but of course, i'm the asshole for pointing that out. even if you look like a certain ethnic group but you don't make the effort to connect to your roots and learn where you came from, you have no right to claim that i can't connect to mine just because i don't have something as trivial as a permanent accent.

just because you are an anglophile and speak in a butchered "oxford" accent doesn't mean you can force me away from my heritage. i hate to break it to you, but the british isles isn't a diverse place of people with funny accents, it's a land with it's own culture and it's own language. just because you wear the costume doesn't mean you belong.

speaking of- if it's so wrong to wear something from another culture, why the fuck is it okay to wear mine? "because britain colonized half the world!!!" you may scream, but that doesn't make any sense. if we go by that logic, you would be all over grecian and mediterranean culture as well, seeing as how the roman empire was just as big.but of course you aren't, it isn't as fun. 

fuck you for taking my culture from me and fuck you for calling me evil just for being white, despite the fact that the culture you love so much is primarily, get this, white. what a fucking shock.

at least i'm learning how to speak my father's first language and my ancestors language.

love,

anfodlonrwydd

milflwyddol_anfodlonrwydd: (Default)

this rant is inspired by the cancer channel known as buzzfeed, particularly the ladylike video "ladylike goes 30 days without shaving"

×

do you shave?

"yes"

is it a personal choice?

"again, yes."

are you sure? are you positive? it's not because you feel pressured by society and the evil patriarchy? you must be lying, as i am so much happier not shaving and giving into the societal pressure to shave. look at how healthy my body hair looks and how much healthier i look by not dedicating so. much. time. to shaving my arms and legs. you should stop shaving too because i know that you really don't want to but you want to please men, amirite? you're beautiful with hair as well and you shouldn't shave.

×

while that scenario itself is hypothetical, i've run into this type of conversation more than a few times. yes, i shave. yes, it is a personal choice that isn't dictated by the current beauty standards in the country i live in. i shave because i live in a swamp and it gets stupidly hot in the summer time and, since my family is from northern europe, we have a lot of body hair. that makes things much hotter. so i shave to stay cool.

that, and i'm disgusted by body hair, so there is that to factor in.

a majority of the comments on the video were talking about how most of them didn't shave because they're lazy, or because they have a physical condition that prevents them, and that they feel bad for the women who are "pressured" into shaving by their significant other or by their family or what have you. this bothered me (obviously) because i don't shave for anyone but myself. body hair, while "hygienic", looks disgusting. there's no other way around saying that. i am repulsed by an excess of body hair and don't you dare tell me that i shave because i'm conditioned to think that.

when i was younger, before i watched anything that could "condition" me to think about the beauty standards, i hated my arm hair. it was so thick and long- it looked disgusting to me. when my leg hair started growing, i almost cried from how disgusting i thought it looked. i literally counted down the days until my mum finally let me shave and, in high school, i started shaving my arms.

and guess what? i felt so much better after it.

however, that's when the questions started. why do you shave? doesn't that take too much time? don't you know it's actually detrimental to shave? who are you shaving for?

why is it seen as rude to ask someone why they don't shave but it's perfectly fine to hassle someone who does?

this is one of the (many) problems with third wave feminism. not shaving is seen as a personal choice, yet shaving is seen as a social conditioning that needs to be mocked? that wanting to date someone without body hair is seen as "disgusting misogyny" and "brainwashing" from the evil, evil patriarchy.

i don't give a shit if someone shaves or not, but don't view me as an oddity for not wanting to grow body hair and don't call me a douche bag for wanting to date someone who either has none or maintains their body hair.

-regards,

milflwyddol ♥

milflwyddol_anfodlonrwydd: (Default)

hello there, my name is milflwyddol anfodlonrywdd (welsh; discontent millennial) and this is my dreamwidth. i am a nineteen year old teenager who thinks that i know more about issues than i really do. really, i just spend all my time either working or on my computer, watching the stupid thing that my generation does and cry a little while losing even more faith in humanity.

i am an apathetic piece of shit who writes in lapslock more than anything else, mainly because i'm lazy and don't want to take the half second it takes to hit the 'shift' key to capitalize a word. if you have a different opinion than i do and try to argue it, more than likely, i won't care and probably just ignore you. people don't know how to properly debate and never compromise to see the other side of an argument, sticking with their opinion because, in their mind, they can't possibly be wrong.

but i digress.

this is basically going to be a place where i place my ramblings about why i hate my generation and how i dislike most things. i'm open to discussions, just, respect that fact that i will sometimes disagree with your view on things. it's natural. it's part of the human condition. so there. ha.

-love,

anfodlonrwydd ♥

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